Whoa- I MADE that!

My baby girl is 8 weeks old today. And every couple of days, still, I step back and think "holy crap- I made that thing!". It sure has been an adventure, and although it has certainly come with its share of frustrations, I love this kid like nothing else in the whole wide world. I am her mama, and no one else is. It feels kind of like when I was first married and felt like I was pulling one over on everyone when introducing myself with my new last name. You're suddenly known as this whole new person, your role in life has completely changed in an instant and it's magical and wonderful and takes some adjusting.

I'm still on the mend, and that's been tough. Whether it's because it really was that bad or simply just unanticipated I'm not sure. Doesn't really matter I guess. But for those having babies for the first time, just be aware it may take a bit to heal all the way. Also, I wasn't expecting my body to be this different. I'm lucky enough to actually be back under my pre-pregnancy weight, but none of my old clothes fit anyway because I'm shaped so differently than I was before, with that whole hip widening business and a body built for feeding a newborn. I've had a few tiny identity crises, but that's probably exhaustion induced.

We laugh a lot, my little family. There's a lot that's funny. Like baby farts. You would think that everything about a new baby would be baby sized- not true. She's beginning to be more expressive and really look at things. She likes trying out her smiles a lot in the mornings, or when her daddy is playing with her. Brinley thinks Landon is the coolest thing ever, and who could blame her? She plays games like Russian Poo-lette (I swear she tries to go potty when her diaper is off) and Whack-a-Mole (I have a mole on my face.... And she has a head that's as good as any mole-whacking mallet at the state fair). She wakes me up at exactly 3am every morning to be fed. I love her fuzzy hair after it dries when it's freshly washed. Clean baby is one of the best smells. She's growing so fast, sometimes she only wears an outfit once or twice before it's too small.

Some days are tough, most days are good. Even on the hard days, she eventually falls asleep, often in my arms, and cradling your sleeping baby might just be one of the most beautiful feelings in the world. I'm tearing up just writing about it. Darn hormones.

Brinley has been in the world eight whole life-altering weeks. As tired as I am and as un-showered as I often look these days, I wouldn't trade it for anything. My baby girl is amazing and beautiful, and I tell her every day. I'm in awe that such a sweet spirit has been entrusted to me. The whole thing is pretty incredible.

Perspective

I have expected to feel like a different person at certain points in my life. When I graduated from high school. When I got married. When I turned whatever age. And it's never happened. I reached the other side of graduation and being married and felt like the same dumb kid trying to figure it out without letting everybody know I was clueless that I always have. At times, I felt a little cheated because of it. Like, "I'm 20-whatever now, I should feel like a grown up!".

And then I had my little girl. And everything changed.

I've experienced a dramatic and very sudden change in perspective, it's amazing. Much of it is hard to put into words, but something in me knew as soon as I gave birth that I was this tiny creature's mama and no one else was. I was going to take care of her, protect her, feed her, be responsible for her in every way. And I am completely in awe of it all. I really do feel like a different person.

I'm watching the Olympics, taking in brilliant displays by people whose goals have been far beyond what I could accomplish. And yet, I'm completely happy about it. I'm ok with my goals being things like taking a shower that day or making it to the grocery store. I put the baby in a stroller and walked a mile with the dogs yesterday and I was really proud of myself. Gradually as I figure out more and more how to care for a baby I plan to raise the bar a bit as far as my goals and dreams are concerned, but for now, I'm totally happy with my dream being a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with a glass of chocolate milk, and having the baby asleep long enough for me to enjoy it.

Life is pretty wonderful.